Space and Spaceability: A Universalis Adventure
Editor's note: The cocktail party in honor of Alkelda's 33 1/4 birthday turned into a game night in which we presented a demonstration of the storytelling game Universalis. Most of Alkelda's friends were unable to come because it was their turn to put their children to bed that night. Perhaps the circumstances will be different next month, when Alkelda celebrates her right and proper 33 1/3 birthday.
Space and Spaceability
Opening sentence: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that an advanced ape in possession of a large flotilla must be in want of a planet.”
Tenets of the Story:
The story takes place in an alternate universe in which there is space travel during the Earth's English Regency period. In this era, inhabitants of the solar system use atomic power, but the technology they use is no longer understood. Defense satellites often break down. Inhabitants of the solar system do not use any weapons more advanced than blunderbusses. Spaceships are rare and valuable, so no one tries to blow them up. Rather, it is better to board someone else’s spaceship and take over the controls from there.
There is space travel only within the solar system, but there is an acknowledged 10th planet named Persephone. This planet is quite habitable and desirable.
Miss India is the heiress to the planet Persephone. Her family imports tea, which is how they amassed their fortune. On Persephone, it rains all the time, but this weather is considered idyllic. Miss India has one younger sister, Miss Indigo. Miss India is engaged to Mr. Novak, a robot. Miss India detests Mr. Novak.
Advanced apes inhabit the solar system. Mr. Darcy is an advanced ape. Advanced apes are the most civilized species in the solar system. As the story opens, Mr. Darcy is leading a flotilla of pirates in an attack against Persephone. Miss Indigo is missing for reasons yet unknown.
Each player receives 10 poker chips per scene. The poker chips are used to keep track of contributions to the story, as well as interruptions, challenges, and additional tenets. In this particular game, no player receives new poker chips unless s/he has contributed to the previous scene.
Scene One
As Mr. Darcy’s flotilla orbits Persephone, Mr. Darcy and Miss India talk on their fluoroscopes. Miss India dismisses Mr. Darcy in favor of her tea party. Mr. Darcy is shocked.
Scene Two
Within the pirate flotilla, Mr. Darcy says to the other pirates, “I have a plan to break through the defense grid protecting Persephone. I will go to the tea party, charm Miss India, and open the grid.”
The tea party is quite elegant. It takes place on a lawn on Persephone. Controls to the defense grid are nearby. Everyone is drinking lots of tea. The funnel cake is soaking wet because of the rain, but everyone is having a grand time.
(Editor's note: The reason why tea is important is this: if one drinks just the right amount, one has a brief moment of heightened awareness and can read another person’s mind. No one knows just what the right amount is (it depends upon the person and the particular circumstance.)
Mr. Darcy arrives in a most dilapidated ship. Unbeknownst to Miss India, so has Miss Indigo, but she is in a far corner of party where Miss India hasn’t seen her yet. Miss Indigo is plotting to thwart Mr. Darcy’s plans to take over Persephone so that Miss Indigo can impress Mr. Novak.
Mr. Darcy goes up to Miss India and speaks:
“Might I trouble you for a spot of tea?”
“Everyone knows apes don’t drink tea,” Miss India replies.
(Editor's note: In this alternate universe, apes do not drink tea because of the severe allergic reactions that result.)
Mr. Darcy states his demand to remove the rest of Miss India’s people from Earth. (Editor's note: At this point, the storytellers discover that Miss India is neither human nor ape, but her species is never established.)
As Miss India and Mr. Darcy talk, Miss Indigo edges her way around Mr. Darcy, and has holdout blunderbuss concealed in her sleeve. Just then, Mr. Novak arrives and speaks coldly to Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy takes a sip of tea.
Darcy has moment of heightened awareness and recognizes Indigo’s passion for Novak, but can’t say anything about it because that’d be impolite. He pulls out his communicator to contact the flotilla, but then blacks out from the effects of the tea upon his advanced ape brain.
Scene Three
Mr. Darcy opens his eyes.
Miss Indigo has a blunderbuss pointed at his head.
“Just a moment” says Miss India.
Miss Indigo looks upset. “What do you mean, wait a moment?” she retorts. “You’re always telling me what to do.”
“Hyrum, Hyrum,” Mr. Darcy coughs politely.
“Foolish child,” Miss India says. “You can’t hurt him in our home. That would be impolite.”
“We’re not on our estate,” says Indigo. “We’ve finally captured a pirate. Why should we stop now?”
Mr. Novak interrupted, “That is true. Most pirates are…” He drones on about the history and character of pirates, and everyone finds it most tedious.
Meanwhile:
Heavily armed pirates are running down a hallway.
Back to present scene:
“Fine”, says Miss Indigo, but I shall take a piece of the pirate with me…” As she takes a knife and cuts off a piece of Darcy’s hair. (Editor’s note: Alkelda wanted Miss Indigo to cut off Mr. Darcy’s foot, but met with too many objections. “That would never happen in a Jane Austen novel,” Philos said.)
“I don’t think you understand your peril, Mr. Darcy,” says Miss India….
“I do, actually madam” replied Mr. Darcy. “I studied with the voodoo priests of Mars.”
Mr. Darcy says to Miss Indigo, You look unwell. Won’t you have some tea?”
Miss Indigo drinks a cup of tea and says “You!” (while pointing her blunderbuss at Miss India.) “You’re the one who as been behind the plot all this time…”
Mr. Darcy, a bit revived, gains his feet and begins edging towards the defense controls.
Miss India says, “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, (points the blunderbuss)
Miss Indigo: "Yes you do!"
Darcy lunges at Miss Indigo, knocking the blunderbuss from her hand.
It goes off!
India tumbles to the floor.
Meanwhile…
“What was that?” says a pirate. “It sounds like gunshots just down the hallway.”
They rush towards the door and fling it open to see Miss India on the floor, clutching her chest.
Darcy is horrified at what he has just witnessed.
Mr. Novak snaps out of his reverie and with a loud cry of, “Foul beast, you have harmed Miss India!”
Miss India realizes a rush of gratitude towards Mr. Novak but doesn’t stop hating him. (Editor's note: this is important, because Miss India's hatred of Mr. Novak is a tenet and may not be changed without the sacrifice of a poker chip.)
Mr. Novak grapples Mr. Darcy.
Scene ends
Scene 4
The bedroom of Miss India in her palace:
It is five days later. The royal physician is there, as is Mr. Novak.
Pirates are now in control of Persephone.
Miss India awakens to hushed tones of physician and Mr. Novak.
We learn that Mr. Novak wanted India dead before the engagement was known.
Miss India has been planning to kill Novak for ages.
Mr. Novak says to Miss India, “My dear, you have not long to live. I have brought the royal justice of the peace so that we may consummate our marriage now.” (Editor’s note: Perhaps “consummate” was not the term Mr. Novak meant. Then again, perhaps it was.)
Mr. Novak wants to take control of Persephone through marriage. Miss India is in cahoots with the pirates to prevent this. That is what Indigo saw in her mind when she said to her sister, “You’re the one who as been behind the plot all this time…”
Miss India says, “There is no polite way to refuse you, therefore let me be impolite.” She slugs Mr. Novak. (Editor's note: Alkelda argued that while normally Miss India is too polite to resort to violence, she is sufficiently scared and furious to break character.)
No one knows Miss India is in cahoots, but there is a group of angry pirates, knives in their mouths, traipsing through the uncomfortably dry tunnels of the estate.
There are only 12 pirates. They’re looking for a room. They control the communications center…
Indigo shows up… “This is the room you’re looking for,” she says as she stands aside.
“Yes. This is the room we’re looking for,” the pirates reply. “Thank you for being on our side…”
“But I wasn’t,” Miss Indigo says. “Mr. Darcy, I know you were counting on me to slay Mr. Novak, but how might that lead me to join in your cause?”
Darcy says, “Aren’t you just Miss India’s lackey in this whole endeavor?"
Indigo replies, "You forget, if Miss India dies, I control everything.”
(Editor’s note: For some reason, Mr. Darcy approaches Miss Indigo with a pair of scissors and takes a clip of her hair. The pirates start gathering the hair clippings from around the room. The gathered hair, from around the room is loaded into the voodoo enabled pot of tea, mailed ordered direct from the Martian academy of voodoo studies. Everyone agrees to invoke the "Fade to Black" clause and never again refer to the hair clipping incident...)
Indigo and the pirates burst into the bedchamber as the priest-bot utters "robot-man and wife."
Mr. Darcy makes an impassioned speech about the barbarism of the higher races that fight for property and know nothing of love. Mr. Darcy reveals he loves Indigo. He and Indigo leave for adventure, leaving Mrs. India and Mr. Novak to their mutual misery.
Mrs. India says, “What was that voodoo thing all about?”
Alternate Voodoo ending.
Mrs. India gets voodooed. She loves Novak. They agree to withdraw from Earth.
THE END
Editor's note: This story is all the evidence you need to prove that alcohol is detrimental to the creative process.
Space and Spaceability
Opening sentence: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that an advanced ape in possession of a large flotilla must be in want of a planet.”
Tenets of the Story:
The story takes place in an alternate universe in which there is space travel during the Earth's English Regency period. In this era, inhabitants of the solar system use atomic power, but the technology they use is no longer understood. Defense satellites often break down. Inhabitants of the solar system do not use any weapons more advanced than blunderbusses. Spaceships are rare and valuable, so no one tries to blow them up. Rather, it is better to board someone else’s spaceship and take over the controls from there.
There is space travel only within the solar system, but there is an acknowledged 10th planet named Persephone. This planet is quite habitable and desirable.
Miss India is the heiress to the planet Persephone. Her family imports tea, which is how they amassed their fortune. On Persephone, it rains all the time, but this weather is considered idyllic. Miss India has one younger sister, Miss Indigo. Miss India is engaged to Mr. Novak, a robot. Miss India detests Mr. Novak.
Advanced apes inhabit the solar system. Mr. Darcy is an advanced ape. Advanced apes are the most civilized species in the solar system. As the story opens, Mr. Darcy is leading a flotilla of pirates in an attack against Persephone. Miss Indigo is missing for reasons yet unknown.
Each player receives 10 poker chips per scene. The poker chips are used to keep track of contributions to the story, as well as interruptions, challenges, and additional tenets. In this particular game, no player receives new poker chips unless s/he has contributed to the previous scene.
Scene One
As Mr. Darcy’s flotilla orbits Persephone, Mr. Darcy and Miss India talk on their fluoroscopes. Miss India dismisses Mr. Darcy in favor of her tea party. Mr. Darcy is shocked.
Scene Two
Within the pirate flotilla, Mr. Darcy says to the other pirates, “I have a plan to break through the defense grid protecting Persephone. I will go to the tea party, charm Miss India, and open the grid.”
The tea party is quite elegant. It takes place on a lawn on Persephone. Controls to the defense grid are nearby. Everyone is drinking lots of tea. The funnel cake is soaking wet because of the rain, but everyone is having a grand time.
(Editor's note: The reason why tea is important is this: if one drinks just the right amount, one has a brief moment of heightened awareness and can read another person’s mind. No one knows just what the right amount is (it depends upon the person and the particular circumstance.)
Mr. Darcy arrives in a most dilapidated ship. Unbeknownst to Miss India, so has Miss Indigo, but she is in a far corner of party where Miss India hasn’t seen her yet. Miss Indigo is plotting to thwart Mr. Darcy’s plans to take over Persephone so that Miss Indigo can impress Mr. Novak.
Mr. Darcy goes up to Miss India and speaks:
“Might I trouble you for a spot of tea?”
“Everyone knows apes don’t drink tea,” Miss India replies.
(Editor's note: In this alternate universe, apes do not drink tea because of the severe allergic reactions that result.)
Mr. Darcy states his demand to remove the rest of Miss India’s people from Earth. (Editor's note: At this point, the storytellers discover that Miss India is neither human nor ape, but her species is never established.)
As Miss India and Mr. Darcy talk, Miss Indigo edges her way around Mr. Darcy, and has holdout blunderbuss concealed in her sleeve. Just then, Mr. Novak arrives and speaks coldly to Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy takes a sip of tea.
Darcy has moment of heightened awareness and recognizes Indigo’s passion for Novak, but can’t say anything about it because that’d be impolite. He pulls out his communicator to contact the flotilla, but then blacks out from the effects of the tea upon his advanced ape brain.
Scene Three
Mr. Darcy opens his eyes.
Miss Indigo has a blunderbuss pointed at his head.
“Just a moment” says Miss India.
Miss Indigo looks upset. “What do you mean, wait a moment?” she retorts. “You’re always telling me what to do.”
“Hyrum, Hyrum,” Mr. Darcy coughs politely.
“Foolish child,” Miss India says. “You can’t hurt him in our home. That would be impolite.”
“We’re not on our estate,” says Indigo. “We’ve finally captured a pirate. Why should we stop now?”
Mr. Novak interrupted, “That is true. Most pirates are…” He drones on about the history and character of pirates, and everyone finds it most tedious.
Meanwhile:
Heavily armed pirates are running down a hallway.
Back to present scene:
“Fine”, says Miss Indigo, but I shall take a piece of the pirate with me…” As she takes a knife and cuts off a piece of Darcy’s hair. (Editor’s note: Alkelda wanted Miss Indigo to cut off Mr. Darcy’s foot, but met with too many objections. “That would never happen in a Jane Austen novel,” Philos said.)
“I don’t think you understand your peril, Mr. Darcy,” says Miss India….
“I do, actually madam” replied Mr. Darcy. “I studied with the voodoo priests of Mars.”
Mr. Darcy says to Miss Indigo, You look unwell. Won’t you have some tea?”
Miss Indigo drinks a cup of tea and says “You!” (while pointing her blunderbuss at Miss India.) “You’re the one who as been behind the plot all this time…”
Mr. Darcy, a bit revived, gains his feet and begins edging towards the defense controls.
Miss India says, “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, (points the blunderbuss)
Miss Indigo: "Yes you do!"
Darcy lunges at Miss Indigo, knocking the blunderbuss from her hand.
It goes off!
India tumbles to the floor.
Meanwhile…
“What was that?” says a pirate. “It sounds like gunshots just down the hallway.”
They rush towards the door and fling it open to see Miss India on the floor, clutching her chest.
Darcy is horrified at what he has just witnessed.
Mr. Novak snaps out of his reverie and with a loud cry of, “Foul beast, you have harmed Miss India!”
Miss India realizes a rush of gratitude towards Mr. Novak but doesn’t stop hating him. (Editor's note: this is important, because Miss India's hatred of Mr. Novak is a tenet and may not be changed without the sacrifice of a poker chip.)
Mr. Novak grapples Mr. Darcy.
Scene ends
Scene 4
The bedroom of Miss India in her palace:
It is five days later. The royal physician is there, as is Mr. Novak.
Pirates are now in control of Persephone.
Miss India awakens to hushed tones of physician and Mr. Novak.
We learn that Mr. Novak wanted India dead before the engagement was known.
Miss India has been planning to kill Novak for ages.
Mr. Novak says to Miss India, “My dear, you have not long to live. I have brought the royal justice of the peace so that we may consummate our marriage now.” (Editor’s note: Perhaps “consummate” was not the term Mr. Novak meant. Then again, perhaps it was.)
Mr. Novak wants to take control of Persephone through marriage. Miss India is in cahoots with the pirates to prevent this. That is what Indigo saw in her mind when she said to her sister, “You’re the one who as been behind the plot all this time…”
Miss India says, “There is no polite way to refuse you, therefore let me be impolite.” She slugs Mr. Novak. (Editor's note: Alkelda argued that while normally Miss India is too polite to resort to violence, she is sufficiently scared and furious to break character.)
No one knows Miss India is in cahoots, but there is a group of angry pirates, knives in their mouths, traipsing through the uncomfortably dry tunnels of the estate.
There are only 12 pirates. They’re looking for a room. They control the communications center…
Indigo shows up… “This is the room you’re looking for,” she says as she stands aside.
“Yes. This is the room we’re looking for,” the pirates reply. “Thank you for being on our side…”
“But I wasn’t,” Miss Indigo says. “Mr. Darcy, I know you were counting on me to slay Mr. Novak, but how might that lead me to join in your cause?”
Darcy says, “Aren’t you just Miss India’s lackey in this whole endeavor?"
Indigo replies, "You forget, if Miss India dies, I control everything.”
(Editor’s note: For some reason, Mr. Darcy approaches Miss Indigo with a pair of scissors and takes a clip of her hair. The pirates start gathering the hair clippings from around the room. The gathered hair, from around the room is loaded into the voodoo enabled pot of tea, mailed ordered direct from the Martian academy of voodoo studies. Everyone agrees to invoke the "Fade to Black" clause and never again refer to the hair clipping incident...)
Indigo and the pirates burst into the bedchamber as the priest-bot utters "robot-man and wife."
Mr. Darcy makes an impassioned speech about the barbarism of the higher races that fight for property and know nothing of love. Mr. Darcy reveals he loves Indigo. He and Indigo leave for adventure, leaving Mrs. India and Mr. Novak to their mutual misery.
Mrs. India says, “What was that voodoo thing all about?”
Alternate Voodoo ending.
Mrs. India gets voodooed. She loves Novak. They agree to withdraw from Earth.
THE END
Editor's note: This story is all the evidence you need to prove that alcohol is detrimental to the creative process.
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